Having a fight to fight

Dear Joa,

I've been meaning to write this post for a while - but something your Mom said last night, reminded me to get to it.

As you'll find out in a few years - I'm always busy with something new. From doing woodwork, programming servers, automating our home, doing research on Bitcoin miners, gardening, training, optimising my blood levels.

I can imagine some people look at everything I do and wonder how I can be "all over the place" all the time. But I look at them and I think, how boring it would be to only do what you're supposed to do every day. Soul crushing. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt.

But I think it's more than just avoiding boredom. It's more than being inquisitive. It's about having a fight to fight. Having something that excites you. Something that drives you. Something that gives you meaning and keeps you out of trouble.

The obstacle is the way

The obstacle is the way. This has become one of my mantras. In life, you can choose to see a challenge as an obstacle, or you can see it as a reason to become better and overcome.

I hope one day I can instil this drive in you. If something is hard, it does not mean we should give up or do something else. Actually, this is all the more reason to work harder and take on the challenge. Working hard and overcoming a challenge feels good, and it gives you more confidence for the next challenge.

Most people in our lives know that it was not that easy for your Mom and I to have you. There was a whole fertility journey, multiples operations, hormone treatments etc.

At least you can be sure we truly wanted to have you, and you were 100% planned. We would not have fought for 3 years to have you, if it was otherwise. You are already so loved.

Beware of the Desert Phase

Something I do need to mention, is what happens after you have won the fight and overcome the challenge. For me at least.

After the high that comes from achievement, I usually experience a dip - as if I lose a sense of meaning. When your Mom became pregnant after 3 years and the initial high subsided, soon I found myself thinking: what next? For 3 years, this fight consumed us, and it started to become part of who we were. Now the fight is over, so what now?

I think this is natural, and inevitable that your fight starts to become part of your identity. But there are dangers associated with it, and we should be careful not to start wallowing after a fight and become depressed.

Pick another fight

To avoid it, I generally just pick another fight and get back to it. That's why to an external observer I might seem all over the place, but I'm just picking fights, overcoming challenges and becoming better.

I'm sure my next fight is going to be to raise you into a man who sees obstacles as the way. A man who enjoys a challenge and finds a way to overcome. No pressure.